For many years I have harboured a dream to write novels. I think this is true of many avid readers. This year, along with plenty of previous years, I made the resolution that I would make this dream a reality. This was going to be the year; I set myself a deadline (August), I emotionally prepared myself write a novel. I made all the usual procrastinating promises to myself. Ooh once you have this piece of software or read this book on writing or did this course that I would start writing. Heck, I even told a few people that I wanted to do it just to give me that added incentive to write. This was going to be my year.
This wasn’t my year.
I haven’t written a sodding thing besides book reviews. The frustrating thing is that I have read some truly dire books. Honestly, drivel for 300+ pages and I have had that thought to myself I can write better than that. It turns out I can’t. It turns out that this whole writing malarkey is harder than you think.
I knew what I wanted to write about but when I sat down last night and stared at the blank screen in front of me I just fell apart. Everything that I was writing came across as putrid and unrealistic. The characters came across as false and whiney. It was just plain awful.
My boyfriend sent me a message asking me how the writing was going and I took a tantrum saying that I am giving up and I am not doing it and he cannot make me. I should explain that my boyfriend is a professional working writer. After he listened to my meltdown, he laughed with a smile on his face and told me that I will just have to try again tomorrow.
See, the thing is, he has faith in me that I can do this. And whilst he is not a fan of fiction (I know, it is shocking) he encourages me because he knows that writing is something that I will be good at. I know I will be good at it. I just need to get over the fear of actually putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard.
A novelist called Lynsey James and I were talking over Twitter the other day and she said that she struggled getting over the fear and you just have to tell it to go away. We came up with a collective mantra that goes “Oh piss it, you cockwomble.” Not the most eloquent of quotes about fear or it being the fear itself that we fear but I think it will suffice.
So this is going to be a new series on my blog. I won’t post all the time, just the times that I am struggling or that I feel that I have something to vent about or what not. I’m not even going to tweet about them so anyone that reads this…hello. Any words of encouragement or whatnot will always be appreciated.
Love L x